People Pleasing

A lot of people with ADHD are people pleasers. It’s hard saying no to people, and you just want everyone to be happy. While that is all very kind, considerate, and thoughtful, sometimes it can cause the stress and anxiety for the individual trying to please everyone. What about pleasing yourself? 

How can you recognize your people pleasing actions if there are any? How many things are you doing just to please others? How many of those things are actually causing you some sort of harm? 

Are the things you are doing for others being reciprocated? Are you being treated and valued as well as you are treating and valuing the other person? Do you need that equity, or what do you need? 

How would you know if you are being taken advantage of? 

What would happen if you told someone you no, you can’t do x, y, or z? 

Have you talked to the person you are pleasing about what the action is doing to you? Are they aware of the personal cost it is giving you? If they knew, do you think they would still ask it of you? If the roles were reversed, would you want to know what you were unknowingly doing to a friend/loved one? What would it take to have that conversation? 

Can a compromise be reached to make both parties happy? If not, what needs to happen? 

What’s stopping you from talking to your friend/loved one/coworker/whoever about what this people pleasing action is doing to you? What would it take to eliminate those barriers to have that conversation? 

It all comes back to boundaries and learning to say no to people. Your boundaries need to be respected, as well as the boundaries of others. Check in with your boundaries. Which ones are being violated, and what needs to happen to remedy that violation? 

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