At one point or another, every single client asks me to tell them what to do or give them the answer. I then have to give them the unfortunate news that I am a mere mortal and don’t have all the answers. I wish I did. That would make things so much easier.
As an ADHD Life Coach and fellow human being, I believe that you are the expert in your own life. I only meet with a client for an hour a week, and only know what the client chooses to tell me about their life. Since I am not with the client 100% of the time and experiencing their thoughts and feelings in real time, it would be impossible for me to tell a client what is best for them. Also, humans are complicated. If after only spending about two hours with a person I was able to declare I know what’s best for them, that would be creepy, arrogant, and insulting to the person as no one is that simple to understand.
If you are looking for a coach to tell you what to do, ask yourself these questions:
How come you want me to tell you what to do? What about that would be helpful?
Hypothetically, if I were to tell you what to do, is there an outcome you are hoping I’ll say? What is it about that one outcome that makes it more appealing?
If one option is harder, what about it is harder? Is there something you are trying to avoid or put off? How come you want to avoid it?
Is one option scarier than the other? What about it is scary? What are you telling yourself about this fear?
What is your gut telling you? Is it what you want to hear? Why is or isn’t it?
Sometimes I’ll be asked to tell the client exactly what system to use to get organized. Again, sadly I cannot tell them what exactly to do because everyone is different and likes to see things differently.
How do you best take in information? How do you like to see it? Hear it? Feel it? Maybe even taste or smell it?
Are you an out of sight, out of mind type person? Knowing this, what does that mean for you about what you need?
Does your system need to be physical or digital? Does it need audio components? Fun colors? Do you need the satisfaction of crossing things off, putting them in a completed list (to see your accomplishments) or delete them to get rid of the clutter?
How will you remember to look at your newly created and beloved system?
I can’t say for sure, but I think sometimes we all just want to be told what to do for the instant gratification. It would be so easy to just have something done. But how much more satisfying is it when you’ve accomplished something you’ve set out for yourself? It’s going to take time to make a decision, to create a system of organization and time management, and figure out motivations. It’s okay for things to take time. We don’t go to the gym once and seriously expect to look like a superhero afterwards (even though we all secretly hope that will be the case). It’s a gradual process making small, sustainable changes every day. Be patient with yourself. You’re trying your best and are creating new awareness’s every day and that’s awesome! Be proud of the changes you are working on! Don’t give up, you got this.
As a coach when the client asks me to tell them what to do, I must remember the wise, sage words of the Spice Girls, “Tell me what you want, what you really, really want.”
