A lot of people with ADHD are “people pleasers” and want to avoid conflict and have everyone be happy. Sometimes this happens by sacrificing their wants and needs.
“My parents want me to have ‘X’ grades, but I’m happy with ‘Y’ grades…”
“My partner wants ‘this’ but I want ‘that’…”
“My family thinks this job/degree is important, but I disagree…”
How important is it to honor their expectations? What would be different if they honored YOUR expectations? Where does autonomy fall on your list of values? Is there a way to compromise without a huge sacrifice?
What makes you happy is just as important as what makes someone else happy. The same things don’t always make people happy. A trivial example would be favorite foods. You could love pizza but someone thinks it’s gross. What’s it like when someone tells you your favorite food is disgusting? If it doesn’t cause harm to yourself or others, what’s wrong with it?
I don’t know who said it first, but there’s an Urban Dictionary definition that dates back to 2008 with the coined phrase, “Don’t yuck my yum.” And I just really enjoy that phrase. It’s simple, easy for me to remember, and can apply to so many things.
How often do you find people “yucking” your “yum”? What’s it like to sacrifice your “yum” because someone else thinks it’s a “yuck”? Which opinion matters more? How many times have you made this sacrifice, and has it been equally reciprocated? What would it be like for your “yum” to be accepted? Is it possible that the other person isn’t meeting up to your own expectations? Do you always have to meet up to theirs? What would it take to prioritize your “yum”? Does it matter that someone may think it’s a “yuck”?
You are the only one who will live your life. Your “yums” are just as important as everyone else’s. What balance of give and take do you need to live up to your best life “yum”? What would that look like?